Almost 8 days...

...and I will be moving to Carp. This morning Lisa, Katie and I sign our final rental info agreements. Oh Boyeeee! Leaving my situation now saddens me but gives me a joy I have been waiting to feel for quite sometime. I thank the Lord I am moving in with 2 amazing women who love the Lord just as much as I do. Plus, I think we all kind of have a soft spot for one another. Times are going to be interesting in the beginning because we are going to move our stuff in then leave for the holidays, well Lisa and I will be. Katie's parents are going to stay with her at the apartment for the holidays. Then some how in 2008 we will all meet again and learn. In a perfect world I picture all of us waking up singing "Good Day Sunshine" as we all work together, dancing and getting ready for the day. Hahaha! Weird! If Satan has his way this will not happen, there will be wedges between us. But as 3 strong Christian women, I have faith this will not happen because I have the song on my ipod and I will get Katie and Lisa in to mood to dance and sing. Lol! I will bribe them with taking out the trash and cleaning the bathroom for a week! Ahhhh!!! We are going to have chores! :)


For a while all 3 of us prayed for our situation. We will continue uniting in pray, because guess what, it works! A while ago when Lisa came to me and said, I need to move up to Carp and in with her. I thought she was crazy. I would love to but I am still going to school, I want to do internships in NY and LA. Maybe not live in Carp or VC anymore. Move out of a rent fee place? Didn't sound like a sane idea to me but good very good, intriguing. Well, I did my internships and some how ended up back in Ventura, confused. LA was okay, didn't really like it, NY was amazing, loved it, but I missed my family and friends, I was too far away. Many of my friends wanted me to stay in the area and threatened me in good ways for me to stay, I wanted me to stay. So I prayed and felt that I was suppose to stay but...Lord what am I going to do? I had amazing offers to work in LA, NY and Vegas. I went to school for a reason and SB is not the easiest place to work, survive and live. Why? After months of rejection, trials and having the worst job for 5 days, He delivered me, because I listened. Some may not know but I filled out my rental application and credit check without completing all info. Plus, I think I just quit my job 2 days before. NO JOB!!! Hello! Many people would say that is insane! I thought it was crazy! And there is no way I will get accepted! Unless the Lord opens up the door. I was so comforted because I prayed and leaned on God to guide me. I was going to need to move out of my place before March anyways, why not put my foot in the Jordan! Be crazy have faith, SUBMIT!!! Thank God I did! Now I am moving out and starting a great new job, which the Lord has provided. The coolest part about my job is the specific things I prayed for were revealed while I was applying for the job and given to me. Also more that expected, praise God! Ohhh...breathe. I at least know I am where to Lord wants me, but I can still mess it up. Let's not and say we didn't.

For my roomies come the 22nd of Dec. I pray the Lord blesses us with strong unified hearts. Comforts us in the trials we are going to face in our lives and delivers us from a lack of communication with each other. Bind our hearts with your love Jesus, Holy Spirt fill us up with your knowledge and joy and God bless us, like I know you have and will.

Lisa and Katie

I am alive!

Wow, my last post was November! Crazy! Life has been confusing and disappointing, huh. But as I said in November, stand firm without fear. Lol! Yessssss! I love that! Our Lord is so faithful everyday! In the past month I have felt depression, anxiety, hatred, disappointment, bitter party of 1, worthless, confused, angry, loveless, revengeful and let's just say that is the tip of the iceberg. But, if I wouldn't have felt all this I wouldn't have the faith I do now in our Lord and Savior. When we are down and out, Satan loves to move in. My life seemed like one catastrophe event to the next.

Examples:

Flat tire: On my way back from Vegas, flat tire! But by the grace of God it happened 20 yards away from my house after a 6 hour drive! Lol! Went to go get it fixed and guess what! All my tires needed to be replaced plus my back brakes an rotors! I am happy it happened the way it did cause it could have been worse. But this experiance still wasn't pretty on my credit card. :?

Life's little games: Yeah...not cool but a wonderful relief when they are over. Some lasted 3 years and some lasted 3 minutes.

Finances: Who are they not difficult for? Student loans, life expense....grrrr...

Love and family: Trials and learning processes, all over the place with compassion and understanding.

Future: TBD

There are so many more crazy things happening, but they will end in God's time. Joy from suffering was definitely my theme for the past three months. Now that I am getting some relief, my prayer is to be joyful in the good times and have more faith when it isn't needed in our corrupt world. Focus and pray for others and not for me, that is their job. I still have many things to learn, but all that will come from faith, time and listening to the Lord! Cause trust me, when you can hear Him there is no better sound in the world than to know that the creator of everything answers you in your time of need.

Ahhhh...PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Now as of this moment. I have a new job, apartment, love and direction. :)



PRAISE THE LORD!!! :)

Job Stand Firm

Job11:15

then you will lift up your face without shame;
you will stand firm and without fear.

Ever since...well...for a while now, life has thrown me punches that I think I may never get back up from. In the last 4 weeks, everything that has to do with me breathing hurts. Everything!

I pray, seek the Lord, read my Bible in times of being stale and still sometimes I remain stale. I stand firm, and keep the faith even when I don't get it. With faith and trust in the Lord, things will get better, I know this. It is not God who falters it is me.

Satan loves to attack at every chance he can get. For my whole life he has been attacking and will never cease until the day my Savior comes.

Times right now are interesting and 08 will bring many BIG changes for me. So here I am with faith and trust, Standing Firm without question the Lord will deliver me from my anxieties. My problems are big but others are bigger, like not being saved.

Pet Peeves

Okay...so...the Lord works in mysterious ways, very mysterious ways...It could be someone telling you to write a blog, because when you do not write a blog...your depressions shows in so many ways. Hmmm...thanks lady. So here we go...

After my home group on Tuesday night, I was driving home in my car thinking that I am crazy! My pet peeves are insane! Here are some...

1. If someone elses face touches mine, I internally freak out! I feel I am going to break out with major zits because of their face oils aren't mine and yeah not cool! I am even that way with sunglasses. Yes it goes to that extent!

2. Drinking off the same glass...a...not so much. You most likely will notice, from now on it isn't going to happen. So, if I have a full soda and you want a sip, the whole drink is yours...Some people are excluded.

3. If you eat off my plate and you aren't family...you better be prepared to marry me, cause sharing like that...I don't know...Hahaha!

4. If you are sick...and your nose is full of snot! Blow IT!!! Don't suck it into your brains so all of the world can hear! And don't blow it in public! Yuck!

5. Dust, is another big one especially in my car.

6. If you have something to say...Say what you mean and mean what you say!

7. People who can't control their kids. Some exceptions are allowed but if I can have 10 Sunday school kids be as quite as can be walking from one room to the other you can definitely stop your kid from being Tarzan in K mart!

I am sure there are more freaky things that bother me but...

And please know that I am the biggest hypocrite! I have done all of these many times...hee...

This month went so quickly!

That's all I really have to say...yeah...


This is just a picture I took. ;)

Leavin Las Vegas, LaLaLala...la!

I am sad to leave. My visit went so quickly. :( Tomorrow my aunt and I start our adventure back to the coast. I will miss all my family, until I come back in November for the Air show, yes the the Nellis Air force Base AIR SHOW!

Some of my friends might/are going to join me along with my dad, (maybe) my brother and 3 nephews. Being back in Vegas and having my parents live close enough to the base, that you are in driving distance and can hear the jets when they fly over is so sweet! I am getting excited! Like a little kid on Christmas! So sick I know, but check out some of these pics from last year and tell me you don't want to see this. 2006 Aviation Nation

Lied Discovery Children's Museum - Las Vegas, NV

Growing up in Vegas, the Lied Discovery Children's Museum was the place to go. I remember running around and trying all of their scientific contraptions I could. My favorite was being able to stand in a huge bubble! So cool.

Tonight I was able to photograph one of their benefits, at the Mirage, and meet some of the major contributers to this wonderful association as they funded miraculous ways for children to learn.

The design of the benefit was 60s/fantasy. There were people in psychedelic attire and evening attire. There was great food, drinks and dancing. I wouldn't expect anything less from Vegas. Here are some pics I edited quickly from this charitable event. :)

Country Line Dance Party!

Yes, I country line dance, sometimes. :) My family, friends and I went to a new Country Dance Hall in Vegas. So fun! I don't think my immediate family has been out like this together in a long time.

We learned some line dances, talked and laughed. I met some new people and watched my parents fall in love all over again! They are so cute when they dance together.

Don't worry I don't have any incriminating photo's of anyone, getting their groove on! But that would have been FUNNY! LOL!!!

All I can say today is...

...I have a stomach ache, I am going through my bills but it is an amazing hair day! That makes everything better. :)

Tag your it! 7 random things!

I just realize Lisa tagged me on "7 random things" Gotta love Lisa! :)

1. I always have the guts to take my Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf cup into Starbucks and drink coffee from it, while I sit and use their electricity. I am actually doing that right now.

2. At this moment in time, I am utilizing my natural hair color.

3. Surprise! I know who I want to marry, but is it who the Lord wants me to marry and when? We will see!

4. I believe the Lord called me to Brooks Institute of Photography to save my soul. And has comforted me with the idea of not working in photography as a profession. Totally changed my heart, ya know!!! But if I do happen to work in my field, bring it on!

5. I don't always have something to say. But I am always thinking something.

6. If you ask me a question, I won't lie.

7. Lucky # 7, this should be a good one... For awhile now, I think the Lord is calling me to some kind of ministry or service, part-time or full-time? But it truly inflamed in my heart before I went to Israel. So, please pray for guidance, direction and obedience to take action in my heart and to not be afraid of what the Lord has planned. Sweet!

Now I tag the wonderful, the great, the magnificent Ms gaily-Ooooo

Sleeping 12 hours...

How and why is this possible? Yesterday I fell asleep at 6pm-ish and woke up at 7am-ish. I guess that is 13 hours of sleep and not 12 hours, huh. Well, I have no dark circles under my eyes from being tired so...that is good, right?



To be knock out cold is a good thing, sometimes.

The coolest part of me sleeping is sleeping. Before I went to Israel, I could not sleep straight through the whole night. Now I can sleep 13 hours straight! Thank the Lord! :)

Temptation

Is being tempted the same thing as giving into temptation?

Matthew 4:1-11 is the story about, Jesus being led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the Devil. Jesus fasted 40 days and nights before the tempter came to Him. So, Jesus was hunnnGry! I know when I don't eat or drink for a minimum of 24 hours, I get a little cranky or okay maybe a lot! As Jesus was hungry and weak he now had some dude, whom one could only assume had bad breath, speaking to Him while challenging Him to take action and rise to the occasion to show He is the Son of God!

How would we react in this situation? Would we go to battle? Would we fight with our bare hand? Would we fight with a weapon? Would we even put up a good fight? How would we fight evil?

One of the many things I love about Jesus here is; confidence and patients in the victory that was and is already won. He denied his flesh that was hungry and weak and stayed strong and focused. To deny your flesh for the glory of God isn’t as easy a people think.

The tempter requested 3 things for our Lord:

1:"If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread."

2:"If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. (off the highest part of the temple) For it is written:
"He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone."

3:"All this I will give you (all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor)," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me."

Umm…excuse me! Who do you think you are? Satan really tried his best to make Jesus stumble. But the Lord is God! Don’t mess with the best!

What did Jesus do? Did he rise to the occasion and show the Devil, that he could turn stones into bread, because He is the Son of God? No. Did Jesus throw Himself off the building without fear of dying to prove a point? No. Lastly, the tempter offered Jesus what looked like to be everything. Did Jesus want it for himself? No.

If Jesus didn’t fight Satan by showing him He was the Son of God by all the miracles that He could do, how did He fight and win?

Ephesians 6:17b states, the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Jesus used scripture to fight Satan off and resist temptation.

How Jesus answered:

1: "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."

2: "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test."

3: "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only."

So the Lord fought with the word (sword) of God and Satan fled? Well Satan knows the word of God too, why didn’t it work for him? Well, interestingly enough Jesus obeyed the Word and Satan a fallen angel didn’t.

God wants us to live my faith and not magic. We shouldn’t challenge God for sign’s. We can call God out on His Word because it is the truth, but to challenge the highest of highs, ummm…no! I wouldn’t want to take on that battle. The third answer Jesus gave Satan speaks the strongest to me and I go straight to the first two 10 Commandments. 1st Commandment is, Exodus 20:3 “You shall have not other god before me.” And the 2nd Commandment 20:4 “You shall not make yourself an Idol.”

Being tempted in not sinning, but giving into the temptation is. As I was teaching Sunday school today, I had kids ranging from 4 years to 7 years old. One of the exercises the Lord gave me was to tape a piece of candy to a worksheet that the kids were going to do during story time. When we handed out the worksheets, we told the children they couldn’t eat the candy until we said they could. Going through this story about Jesus and temptation we asked the kids how many of them were tempted to eat the candy before we said they could. Most all of them in 2 different classes raised their hand and said they were tempted but didn’t eat their candy. Then we proceeded to analogize how the Lord didn’t give into temptation and neither did they. They obeyed just like Jesus did!

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man and GOD IS FAITHFUL, HE WILL NOT LET YOU BE TEMPTED BEYOND WHAT YOU CAN BARE. So whether you are tempted by TV, Internet, challenges, money, gossip, relationships, popularity, food (especially Pillsbury doughboy’s gooey yummy hot orange rolls or Ben and Jerry’s), material things or just plain giving into addiction, it is just like 1 Corinthians says, God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. So is being tempted the same thing as giving into temptation? No! Just remember to use your sword (Word of God) and OBEY the Lord.

Just for fun, here are the questions we asked the kids on their worksheet see how many you could get right.


(CLICK ON ME, I WILL ENLARGE!)

It is already OCT 12th!!!

Goodness, time goes by so quickly!

This morning I thought it was Oct 11th. I hated to see if was the 12th.

This morning...what can I say that will make sense? At this point I don't know, I'm cranky and scatter brained. Not cool! It was a struggle to get out of bed with a Christian mind set. Bummer----dude, I know!

So...what to do? What to do? "Open your Bible Goof-ball!" As I am saying this to myself with a rebellious mind, Crazy Cassie!

Deep down in the depths of my conscious mind I know what is really going on, some spiritual warfare handed to me on a silver platter, anyone? But to fight it by myself is insane! That is why we have the Word and fellowship! Sweet! So, I start to read some verses in my Bible, I call on the Lord and later I call a fleshly friend who I think might know me better than myself right now. Thank the Lord for that!

At this point there wasn't anything in my house that wasn't setting off triggers for anger or anxiety! So, I had to step out of my box, pick up my cross and take myself out of the situation/environment that was making me stumble. I had to go somewhere! I ended up going to my favorite coffee shop Simone's in VC.

So, when you call on the Lord you have to have an open mind on what he is saying to you even though you might not want to hear it! Ahhhh!!! In times of stress that is not what you want to think of! Right!?! So some advice...stop thinking of your problems and focus on the Word!

This morning I opened my bible and Romans is where I was led. For some reason Romans 12 was marked by my pencil and schedule for my yearly bible readings. I shove these in my bible with no intent on marking those pages. Ummm...s...certain notes I have in Romans 12 caught my eye. These notes commented on the same problems I was having this morning. I decided to take a detour from my required bible readings and study what God has written and what I have written to myself.

These happenings were a great divine appointment that the Lord comforted me with! Sweet!

First my eyes went to Romans 12:9-12 on Love

9. Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Oh boy, straight to the heart! It is so interesting how you can hate to love someone and in the same sick sense love to hate them. And how much you might blame yourself or get frustrated, for them not letting YOU in. So, hate evil and be sincere and cling to what is good. We are all hypocrites, I know I definitely am.

At this point my eyes skipped to verse 20.

20. On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."[e]
21. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Be humbled and walk like Jesus walked. One of my favorite quotes is "Go into the world and preach the gospel, use words if necessary." St. Francis of Assisi

Then my eyes ventured over to verse 2

2. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Okay...honestly! So good!

Romans 12 is meaty, I encourage you to read it over and over and over again.

"Driving away from the wreck of the day...

and I am thinking bout callin on Jesus." One of my favorite lines from a song by Anna Nalick, Wreck of the Day.

In the past 48 hours I have experience a good friends pain and a pain that struck me down awhile ago. Can you guess what it is about? Yes, ladies and gentlemen it is about LOVE, or so what we perceive as love, maybe?

We all have desires, but where do ALL of our desires come from? Well, how I would answer this question is...if our desires abide by Gods law then they are from the Lord. And if we have desires that don't match up with God's plan for our life how do we deal with those? Ugh!

I have explained to many people that if you have a desire for someone and they don't feel the same way, surrender it to the Lord EVERYDAY! Again easier said than done I know. You might have to wake up every morning and pray, Lord please if this desire is not from you take it away and give me the desires of your heart for my life. Be humble and know that he is in control. Important: LET HIM BE IN CONTROL!!! Plus if this person that has favor in your eyes, heart, mind and soul isn't the one that the Lord has chosen for you, just think how much more amazing and in love you will be with the person he does choose.

Desire: A little under 2 years ago I didn't want kids, I really didn't even care if I was ever married. I wanted to work, have fun, travel and yadda yadda yadda, I could always take care of myself and my parents. It is scary now, but back in the day if I ever did get married I would have wanted this scenario; I would want to marry someone who already had kids and was divorced. Crazy! Thinking about it now I cry with thankfulness for what the Lord has taught me through working with children and women at church and having many great conversations about relationships with the opposite sex, who was figuring out a lot of this too at the same time I was. My desires now that I trust in the Lord is to find a person who loves the Lord and wants to have a marriage with ME (very important) and grow in Christ, then having little guys or gals run around if the Lord wills it. A total 180 from 2 years ago.

Right now my ambitions for my friend whom I adore and whom is hurting because someone didn't feel the same way they did, is to restore their a relationship with Christ. When we are hurting we don't think straight or act accordingly. As I was having a time of fellowship with this person, I told them I would pray for trust and strength in the Lord and desires...well they didn't let me get passed that part, till they told me to stop and just pray for trust in the Lord and for the will of their own life. They didn't want anymore desires at the moment.

Our fallen world confuses us on even joys from the Lord. We can have desires in our hearts for people but how far will we take them vs. how far the Lord wants to take them. Again, I know easier said than done and I am speaking from experience. Maybe this person is in your life to drive you crazy and the Lord wants your mind to grow in strength for future Godly relationships or maybe just maybe that future relationship is going to be with that person you have desires for and you both have to grow to a certain places before it happens. Gosh...it could go on and on and on.

Biblically what comes to my mind?

1. Galatians 5:16-18
16. But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. 18. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

Let the Holy Spirit be your guide in the way of the desires of your heart.

2. Mark 8:33
33. But turning and seeing his disciples, he rebuked Peter and said, "Get behind me, Satan! For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man."

Pick up your cross everyday and die to self.

3. Psalm 56:4
4. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?

Remember it is not about us. Man can't take away our salvation.


So...yeah...maybe there will be more thought on this or maybe not...

Today is a 2 Chronicles 20:17 day.

Oh boy...

2 Chronicles 20:17

17. "You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you."

Funky

I have always had the ability to remember my dreams. Most of the time the promenent ones are very weird. In one night I was able to have 3 nightmares! Crazy! I guess it is a good thing I know how to break down my fears in dreams and pray to God about them.

Last night, I had a dream that the rapture happened and I wasn't raptured. Ummm...excuse me! I started to question why I wasn't taken. Was I not knowledgeable enough about the bible, did I not have enough faith or did I even have faith?

The setting consisted of people, people I didn't know, have never seen just sitting around. We all were hanging out in an old dark abandoned hotel. Getting up and putting aside all my discomforts about not being taken, I had my bible with me so I open it up and start evangelizing to some random guy. He didn't really care or want to understand that there is still hope. To me his soul felt stale inside. This saddened me and added more flaming passion to my evangelism methods because many times in life I felt/feel stale and unsure of my salvation, but I always had/have faith.

As I continued speak to this man, I remember opening up my bible to the book of revelation and reading the part of the rapture that was consisting of that particular moment in time. As I was trying relate the current events to people about what is happening and to have faith, a dog comes up to me and starts to bite my ankle. Okay...where did that come from? Well, interestingly, Saturday there was a dog roaming around the streets in my condo complex. I called the little cutie to come to me and he came running over. Looking at his collar I phoned Troubles Crum's owner and returned him. This was the dog biting my ankle in my dream. Hmmm...

Also another intense thought in my dream was if my friends knew I wasn't in heaven with them or if they were thinking of me? :? Aaaaa...O.k.a.y.

That was as far as I got in my dream. I was woken up by my phone, it was one of my accountability friends that has never called me that early in the moring. Plus I never leave my phone on but I guess last night I forgot to turn it off. Good thing, I didn't want to be a non-raptured citizen for much longer.

Funny thought: If you ever want to get some information out of me that I most likely wouldn't tell anyone, you should ask me when I am half awake and half asleep. My mom tried it on me a while ago and it almost worked. Lol! Most likely I will catch myself before I say anything too serious. :) But it is funny to see people try.

Crazy, crazy dreams...

Thought of the day!

As I was sitting at Simone's coffee shop in VC, an elderly couple came in. They were so cute! As I started to pack up my things to leave, they were getting their ice blended mocha and sitting at a table in front of mine. I am not a stocker of any kind but I had to sit and watch them a little. The husband stared to read his paper as he gave the first sip of the mocha to his wife. They were sharing! How adorable! I guess that is what you HAVE to do when you are married. ;)

Anyways this situation ties in to my readings later on in the day. Ephesians 5, specifically verse 25. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Even though it was just the first drink and not anything major, it was a representation of his giving, love and patience for is wife. Do you know how many men I have come across that wouldn't give a hoot or think about putting a woman first?

Amazing and merciful!

The Lord is so great to comfort my heart everyday. Many times, more like every time I dig into His word, I am reminded to surrender all. Lately, I have been dealing with a fleshly situation that everyday I should waive the white flag with hast. The Lord, I believe has put a desire on my heart for 2 years plus! Ouch! Everyday I think about this ambition and pray for the Lord to take it away if it isn't from Him. Because sometimes this so-called joy gives me the most pain in life. I always think how can something from the Lord hurt this bad? Well it is all a learning process, and learning is written all over this one.

To suffer is to grow stronger, I can testify to that. As I was doing my study today through the book of Isaiah and Ephesians, I got a clear message that the Lord doesn't stop us from having certain desires, problems, troubles or wants. He could but...no. He wants us to turn to Him in our time of need. The only way to get through these ruff speed bumps in life is to have faith that the Lord will see you through those particular times. The Lord wants our whole hearts. I would rather deal with the life that God gave me with faith in Him, then nothing but my own worldly understanding.

Roman Crappers!

This shot of me and my bestest pal Michelle, on some old Roman crappers in Bet Shean, Israel.

So we are back!

Israel was amazing! Since I have been back, there isn't a day I wake up and want to take the next 16 hour-ish fight back.

But...May 2009, maybe it will happen again!

The Lord has a truthful sense of humor that keeps me in awe everyday. A...yeah!

Before Israel, the Lord and I had some talks, and He told me I wasn't going to get a job til I got back from Israel. Okay, that makes sense...? Money? Life? Working toward a career...? Well, I learned a good lesson on struggling makes you stronger and how weak one can be before they do not break.

So, we haven't even been back a week and I start a job on Monday in Carp, that I got yesterday. Say WHAT! Ummm...yeah! I can work from the office, my home or pretty much anywhere. Okay...I have a job in Carp (paradise), close to my church, I don't have a full long term committed job (but I could see it turning into one), my boss is cool, the position works towards raising money for rotary clubs all over the US, I will be using some skills from my schooling, working with Brookies and yeah much much more.

Interesting, very interesting...so just like in Israel when I sat back and floated in the Dead Sea and trusted one of God's miraculous wonders to hold me up, I am trusting in the Lord to guide and keep me afloat into my future. Sinking for me is not an option, I just have to believe. :)

Alan

I am kind of speaking with my biological father again. Hmmm... Our relationship has been rocky since I was about 13. Fears I have about him are weighing less now than they ever have. I still do not understand him fully, but some how we have a strong bond, duh! I won't give up on him. I keep on thinking, if he dies, I won't know what his beliefs are/were and where his salvation lies.

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

My uncle (the youngest of 3) died a little over a year ago at the age of 50. That is way to young! I wonder every time I think of him, was he saved? Could I have done something to prevent anything? Most likely not. I am not the same person I was back then, that I am now. To talk about faith and the Lord! Oh no, not me. That would have been too freaky and pushy! Thank the Lord for saving me!

For a couple of years the Lord has put on my heart to speak with Alan (biological father). Getting over what happened in the past isn't that easy. The constant rejection from a person who gave me my physical makeup/life is difficult. I get frustrated and want to quit so many times, but God is good.

I just got an email from Alan today asking me some questions. One of them was: Do I have a boyfriend? Lol! He use to ask me that all the time when I was little. And the answer back then was, "Heck yeah, which one!" Lol! The questions made me smile. So in return I asked him if he had a girlfriend? I would like to know if there is a step mother in my future. Most likely not but anything can happen. Wierd! Hahaha! :)

The Lord is so amazing, gracious and merciful to give me such a patient and forgiving heart with this man. I would love to get to know him better and see if we can work on some kind of relationship and maybe share some of my faith with him. The Lord has great things in the works and I can't wait to wait for them. Heehee.

Just a picture for the day.

Simone's, VC

Lol! Ouch!

My friend Mike sent me this video from God Tube. So funny, cause on Sunday...I felt like tackling someone...anyone all day, ALLLLLLL DAY! But of coarse I didn't. I was a lady. Hmmm...but that doesn't mean I won't get a message from God to be an evangelism linebacker one day! Hahaha!!!

Walk for Life

Since I designed the flier for a friend for this blessed event, she said, I am obligated to participated. I would do it anyway. ;) Any support I can give my friends, so be it. So! If I hit you up for funds(sponsorship)do not be surprised! :)

Revelation

As I was driving the 5-hour drive from Vegas back home to Ventura on Thursday, I started listening to the Bible on CD. I listened to all of Revelation. Let’s just say, kind of scary, Heellllllllooo! I am so amazed that I am saved by the grace of God and have a huge lack of understanding, why me? I do not deserve grace and mercy but yet, Jesus was the perfect sacrifice for ALL of our sins. Love that dude.

Driving, while looking at all of my surroundings from my ipod to my car then to nature, thinking that one day the Lord will come back and all material things will not matter. Then I started to focus on people and salvation. Again I started to think, why me? Why does my heart bleed for MY salvation? What about others salvation? Lately in my women’s bible study we have been studying a book on evangelism and I have been and will be attending Reality Stockton evangelism classes with Josh Kehler. At the end of the month a group of people will be going to Stockton to evangelize to the community a couple days before their 1st Sunday service on September 2nd. Salvation for Stockton, how wonderful is that! I can’t wait to hear how my friends rocked Stockton, since I am not going. :( But other great things are in the works for those days. :)

Before I start every journey in a new place, I always think, what great things does God have in store for me and most importantly, who will I meet. Before moving away from Vegas and dragging myself to Ventura/Santa Barbara, I was so excited about the thought of whom I was going to meet and day dreamed about the amazing relationships, fellowship (I never knew could exist) and situations I would get my self into.

A while ago I realized, I wasn’t saved before I went to Reality Carp. I was just going through the motions. One day as I was driving up the coast I started to think about Jesus on the cross. I asked myself, “Why did Jesus die on the cross?” I hate to say it, I didn’t know. That was a rude awakening at 24, I really didn’t like facing. I was religious till I was about 17 or 18, in the Catholic Church. Then my family went through some really difficult times and my mother started to change. She was getting thirsty for knowledge of the Word. So, she started going to different churches (Christian) and my immediate family followed her. I didn’t really like the Catholic Church at all, so it didn't break my heart, the whole priest idolatry thing and male domination I had a problem with. I never understood, why? One could reason that when I was younger I had issues with men being an authority figure, most likely because of my biological father. Unconsciously then I did not see a problem because I was strong and independent. Nothing was going to stop me of being all that I could be in this world, with or without a man. I was a little feistier back then. ;) Thank God for my dad (step) Walter Darling. We have had our trials but what an amazing man that the Lord brought into our family to serve as my earthly father and brother in Christ. Again unconsciously, He has worked in my life through my dad to show me all men are men, but the one who loves Christ is a winner and necessarily won’t take the easy or selfish road out. Still working on some issues, obviously with that comment.

Back on subject, why did Jesus die on the Cross? I had gone almost every Sunday to church, had no fellowship just a non-believing boyfriend, listened in service but never retained any information and definately wasn't accountable for knowledge and wisdon of the Word. But, I thought I new it all and accepted things for the way they were. So what do you do in a time of misunderstanding? Me, myself and I call the Momms! Yes, mom knows a lot about a lot! She knew exactly what to say. We talked for a while about the cross, sacrifices and what they meant. After our conversation I felt a joy I haven’t felt in a long time, a freeing sense of peace running throughout my whole mind, body and spirit. A yearning for more knowledge and wisdom of revelation. From that moment of realization, I have never been the same. The mustard seed that was planted inside me a long time ago was growing.

Now, to actually be saved, there must be a change. Feel a change, see a change, be a change. Walk with Jesus. Christian is Christ plus man. Now for those of you who think we are trying to be holier than thou, we aren’t, by any means. If you call yourself a true Christian, we are people who keep God’s commands and walk like Jesus, so take us off pedestals (some need to say that to themselves), we are sinners who need to be born again everyday. How does being born again feel? For me it feels like ignoring a stranger is in my body. A stranger I never knew but am, everyday. I trip out every time I think of being raptured and being purified. I won’t be Cassie who was made of this world. I won’t love the sin. You sinner! (I say to myself) Lol! I think Chris Farley said that in a movie or something.

I woke up the other day and started to do my daily activities, whatever they may consist of these days, and I thought to myself, ”Have I sinned today? Do I need to repent for anything?” I couldn’t recall sinning, but I repented anyway, right then and there, because I am sure I had thoughts of something I shouldn’t have had thoughts of or a mannerism that wasn’t from the Lord. Hmmm...

Do I have salvation now? Yesssss! My heart is full with confidence that if something were to happen I would see my heavenly Father. Everyday I read my bible and grow in my faith. If I am not near Jesus everyday I know that it gives satan a stronger hold on my worldly flesh. It is easier to get pulled down off a ladder than pull yourself up. With out a strong grasp of knowledge on how to climb up a ladder we never will make it. So be strong, have faith and believe.

Now to a point; salvation for others, what am I going to do? Do I want to see the ones I love burn for eternity because I didn’t know how to say anything? Ouch, no. The Lord has put many non-believers in my life or people who were just like me. Thinking but not grasping the thought. So, my study and prayer is to be more evangelistic in life, be in tune with who the Lord is telling me to speak to and what to say, not to be afraid of strangers, get out of my comfort zone and saving a soul for the Lord. But my biggest request for prayer and most important is for the Lord to break my heart like His heartbreaks for the non-saved. If I can’t feel my heart break for those who are lost, I will be lost when the time comes for me to step up and be a warrior for the Lord. To go through the rapture, I can’t even imagine how to survive with out faith. My loved ones, suffering with out a seed of belief implanted, makes me stop in disbelief. (Big SIGH) This could be the first step. Stop and acknowledge that something is wrong. Then how to fix it? Lord break my heart like Yours breaks. Put me in situations and guide me to others who need to hear about you. I know if it is in His will, it will break me and I will welcome it like there was no tomorrow, cause there might not be.

Psalm 139:23-24, Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

So durning my busy life...

I have just a simple thought. Would you rather watch Grease or Grease 2? I know, I know it isn't like we are curing cancer here, although I wish I had that talent but...I don't. So...which Grease?

Even though I think Maxwell Caulfield is blessed with great looks and I think some of the songs in Grease 2 are hilarious, I would have to say Grease is my favorite. Plus, I like the cars better than the whole motorcycle thing.

Ahhh...the things I have time to think of. :)

Just for my MOM!!! :) Cause she said SO!

So, as you know I am in Vegas, maybe you know that. I really don't communicate to people much anymore unless they ask. So, so, so, I am working event photography...yuke! Jk ;) No, it is all fun and games...sometimes.

Anyways, today I was a mess. I went to the gym did my cycle class and weights felt fine until...I don't know. I had the worst headache, my whole body ached like I was beaten with a metal bat, lost my nose stud down the sink, mind you I have had that since I got it pierced, like 4 years ago and other wrong mind sets were present. O'well just material things and situations of this world. But the real issue here is my mom. She told me I need to start to blogging again. Okay, mom...lately I have felt, as I said earlier, if you want to know something than just ask. But how do you know how to ask when you don't know what to ask? Hmmm...you can ask someone how they are doing, but how are they really doing. Communication. Will they give you the right or truthful answer? Most likely, no. So when you ask people questions get more personal. Like...what was the first thing you thought of this morning? Or are you working on anything? Do you have anything to say to me? What are you thinking about right now? How many times have you thought of ME today? Lol! That is an awkward question, but it will work. And when people ask you about things, "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor." Exodus 20:16 I know, I know, I have been working on this commandment, it is easier just to say fine when you aren't fine, but don't spill your guts to them, you can always plead the 5th, somethings are better left unsaid or revealed at a later date, you know what I mean, jelly bean!? A good answer to respond with is can you pray for guidance in my life, God to grant me a listen ear to his Will and strength in my life to do His Will (if needed, which is always needed). Even the smallest lies can deter from the biggest blessings God has for you. Keep His commandments, cause the tiniest truth you speak to people may give the most hysterical pleasure to you or others.

So, for my mom today, I blog...I blog today was amazing. She took me out to lunch, to my favorite place (Karey's Pub),then we got pedis and manis together (pedis and manis always make me feel better), we listened to Britt's message on the way home, had great conversations about faith n' stuff and at the end of the day she did my feet (reflexology) and massaged my ribs back into place. Yeah, that hurt!

And just to mention my dad was courageous in taking the sink apart to find my nose stud but it was a goner. Much love Pops! :) Thanks. XOXO

90.9 FM The EFFECT, Las Vegas, NV

So, I was getting out of the gym in Vegas at 7pm ish today. I got in my car turned on the radio and started messing with the Christian stations. Who do I hear!?! Britt Merrick! My Pastor. At first I was like, no, yes, no, I don't have my ipod plugged in...how is this possible...is this really on the radio...wait, is this really Britt or just some guy who sounds like him?...yes...YESSSS it is Britt! I was so excited to hear him on the radio in Las Vegas, I don't know how I made it home. I drove but I don't remember it(not good). His sermons rock my world and make me think beyond what is expected, so good.

There is a station called The EFFECT and you can get Britt Merrick 5 days a week at 7pm, 8pm mountain time in Las Vegas, sin city. Who knew! :)

check it out at www.effectradio.com

1 of my favorites

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?

22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Not to sound really corny but I would love to meet King David someday. His passion for the Lord is an inspiration that everyone should desire.

Just to note at the moment, some of the other Psalms I love are 13 and 25, plus many many more.

Mark 8:33

Mark 8:33
But turning around [His back to Peter] and seeing His disciples, He rebuked Peter, saying, Get behind Me, Satan! For you do not have a mind [a]intent on promoting what God wills, but what pleases men [you are not on God's side, but that of men].

Everyone has completly frusterating, retarded, wicked days! And! Mine isn't over yet. But I realize where the Nasty Mc Nasty truely comes from and it gives me strength to fight! (Evil but good laugh because the victory is already won!)

Solution: I might just lock myself in my house and become a bible hugger for the night.

Back in Cali!

And it feels gooooooood! If anyone cares... ;)

Sweet!

Vegas Strip...

I went out last night in Vegas, not like one would think. I am pretty sure my going out in Vegas days are over or are they?

My good friend B and I went to meet some other friends at a movie theater on the strip. It has been FOREVER since I have been down there, so it was interesting, in a flashback sort of way. I was noticing life and how people dressed and acted, what they drank and how it smelled, thinking and seeing Las Vegas Blvd in a whole new perspective. The strip is infested with a bunch of sinful behaviors, why am I or was I so attracted to it?

I try to be normal but growing up in Vegas, you aren't that normal. You have/had opportunities, experiences that many couldn't have, in my mind anyways. Being on my old stomping grounds, I realized I am a totally different person than I was. Noticing how much I have calmed down made me frustrated? I had fun when I lived in Vegas and I am having fun again in Vegas! But, I have just as much fun or more going to church in Carpenteria, going to service and helping out with the children's ministry. This idea could be strange to many but...it definitely was not strange to me. I can't lead a life as Nevada Cassie and Cali Cassie or can I? Can I trust myself enough to live in both places with out faltering? Yes, now I can.

Living and choosing where to live is intense. All I want to do is go back to California, find a job, start a life and yeah. But maybe that isn't what the Lord wants. There is life going on everyday, in Vegas, NY, Chicago, Seattle, Lake Tahoe, LA, SB, VC and Carpenteria. I have been apart of many lives and they are going on without me!

Today, I woke up and thought, I am suppose to be in Cali at this moment, but I am not. I was planning on driving back to VC today, but some circumstance with money came up, jobs, and since I am paying for a trip to Israel and not living off the money, life needs to be flexible.

My question to God is, am I suppose to stay in Vegas or leave and how long? Right now that question is so difficult. I am trying to leave but something is telling me to stay. How long? Maybe 2 days to 4 weeks. :? I don't know. I have so much family and friends here that I have known so long, I love it. But when I go back to Cali, I am closer to the Lord, most likely cause that is where I found Him and the love(s) of my life is/are there. Searching for today is never a great option, searching for tomorrow is and I want forever with my Lord and Savior. I have faith He will guide me where I need to be.

But, I am thinking Thursday, will be the day I am allowed to leave Vegas, maybe. :)

I only thought...

...I was coming home on Saturday. :( My Aunt needs me to stay with my cousins a little longer. It isn't so bad, I get to stay with my family a little longer and have a spot in the garage so my car isn't 200 degrees hot! Also she has a pool. It works. ;) But I was really hoping to see the ocean again and go to my favorite places and see my favorite people. :)


Get this, last night at 1am I was dehydrated as all get up and so uncomfortably hot it woke me up! Grrr...I have been away from the heat so long I can't handle it.

2nd day in Lake Tahoe

I flew into Reno yesterday and drove to Lake Tahoe with my cuz and friends. I love this place! If you have never gone to Tahoe, go!

At the moment I am with family and friends. There is going to be 13 people in my Aunt's house! That is insane! Her 4th of July party will have 50 +. My Aunt and Uncle the entertainers. ;)

Today we went out on the boat and water skied for a while. The lake was almost perfect. Then we went back to shore got on the Jet Ski and went out again. The second time I went out on the Jet Ski Karen and I went far far far. I wanted to make it to this castle I remembered from my time in Tahoe before. We were having a great time trying to reach the castle until...Karen pulled a U-turn and went fast over her own wake and through me off! Not on purpose. My ankle got caught on the Jet ski and cracked. Ouch! Would I go again? Oh Yeah! I can walk a little but...it hurts... :( Thank God my sister is a physical therapist. :)

22 hours!

In about 22 hours me and Sissy will be leaving to go to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico for 5 great days! No cell phones and no computers, just fun and games hanging out with one of my most favorite individuals on this earth. It might even be possible for me to get a tan! Lol! We will see. ;)

Vegas Nights :)

One of the greatest things I love about Vegas is the summer nights. Last night I went out to dinner with the O-Man. Omar and I are very different people but yet the same. We both have gone through many of the same trials in life and are able to speak to one another and understand what each other needs. Nice!

Today was a difficult day. I am not feeling really well due to allergies, darn you allergies and there was some situations that needed attention. But the Lord has his hand in all of it, so I need to stop worrying. I am still learning how to not control many situations.

I called Omar to see if he wanted to meet up tonight, since last night I was a Grandma, as he would put it, and didn't go to a concert he invited me to. The time change is killing me, I am a morning person am not really a concert buff. I ended up going to bed at 7pm! My only justification on this one, was it was 10pm east coast time. Grrr...

I got a hold of Omar and he met me at a store I was at. We looked around, then we went back to his house so he could let his dog out, before we went to dinner. His dog...ummm kind of took a pee pee on my foot! He was so excited to see people he couldn't hold it. Lol! It washed off easily. Also I finally saw Omar's new place since he moved, very nice. Then we were off to dinner.

As we were eating some of Omar's friends from his High School days came in the restaurant and we invited them to sit with us. We all sat and talked for hours, it was nice to see Omar be himself from the old days and talk about high school.

During the evening Omar gave me some advice that I needed, needed, needed. I love friends who know how to speak to me and understand what is going on in my brain, brain, brain! In my mind I over analyze a lot. What can I say, I am a woman. Ooooh...burn. :) But when someone has faith in you, you tend to bounce back and believe in yourself again. Yes!

We left the restaurant. We get in Omar's car and I mention I love Vegas nights. Well! Omar puts his top down on his Mustang! Convertible time, YES! Great stuff! The temp is about 90 degrees with no humidity. You basically are sitting in stillness, in Vegas! No traffic, not much heat and a very well lit atmosphere. It is amazing!

My conclusion for the day/night. Home is not such a bad place, for awhile anyway. I am so thick headed I have to tell myself this everyday. It is all in God's hands so just surrender.

Ummm...it is kind of hot here! :?

Last night B dropped me off at Alaska Airlines, As I was checking my baggages in the sky cap guy said, "Oooh, your flight is canceled." Ummm...not cool. Before I knew it he told me to hold on and left to go somewhere. About 7 minutes later, he comes rushing back and this wonderful man booked me on the 6:30pm flight. He also mentioned they had me on the 10pm flight out! Again...not cool.

Now, it was 6pm, aaaaa, I gotta go! So I ran through security and made it to my gate just as they were boarding. The Lord was amazing! He kept me calm and allowed me to get on an earlier flight so I wouldn't have to wait at the airport for a hour and a half. Does that ever happen? I don't think so! Well, maybe it does.

Getting back to Vegas was comfortable. My parents picked me up from the airport and it was sooooo wonderful to see them. As we were driving back to the house, I was noticing so many things I remembered vs. so many things that are different in my home town. Vegas is a beast.

We pulled up to the house, I got a huge smile on my face, I saw my CAR! It is beautiful! We walked into the house and for the first time I saw the new edition to the family. My parents dogs had puppies! :) Cute! I played with the dogs for a while and them we to bed.

This morning when I woke up, Tootsie (momma) and the puppy were waiting for me to get out of bed. So cute! (again!) And yeah...it is kind of hot in Vegas, 108 was what my temperature thing said in my car. Ouch!

Going back to Vegas! Going back to Vegas! Lalallllllaaaaaa!

Time flew by toooooooo fast!

B's Bed.

So, if you really know me, you know I love a great, comfortable, wonderful, magnificent, amazing, fresh bed! My best friend Becca B, who I have known since Junior High, shares the same obsession! Who knew? I love it! So, last night when I got into Seattle, I was able to sleep in the most wonderful of beds. Ahhh...I didn't want to get out of bed this morning, until someone said, "Coffee, Pancakes?!?" I jumped out of bed! Heehee... :)

A little uncomfortable today

This morning I woke up in discomfort. My mind was racing, worrying, I was sweating and I couldn't really focus on one issue in life. Hmmm...what is that called? Anxiety!

Good morning attack! My mind raced with things like: What am I doing with my life? Where am I going? Job? Where am I going to live? Am I suppose to be living and growing in a big city or small town? Does it matter? Will I have fellowship? I am 25! I always imagined I would be somewhere else. Many, many more situations ran through my head.

I can definitely feel satan breathing down my neck, standing behind me pulling me toward him so tightly and not wanting to let go. I take a deep breath, accept my situation and open my Bible. I am reading James. And to my comfort I am in chapter 4 today. This chapter is about submitting yourself to God. I related to many things in this chapter and believe this was the perfect message for me today. After James I moved on to Proverbs 9. This chapter is about invitations of wisdom and of folly. Hmmm...wisdom and foolishness, being a wise person vs. a folly one, hmm…I think I just got knocked up side the head again. Foolish flesh, will you ever learn?

Today, I am really, REALLY struggling with people and my situations. I am very uncomfortable in my skin and being around others. I do not like these feelings of discontent. :( But! My FAITH keeps me strong in mind and mouth to know there are things greater than my discomfort and it can be controlled. I thank God that I understand and know how to deal with my anxieties. My life is great! God has blessed me with His love, grace, mercy, plus He has surrounded me with people who love me and won't ever let me fall. I am to submit, be humbled, repent and let go.

My favorite and most relatable song at the moment is:

If You Want Me To, by Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I dont know the reason why you brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I will go through the valley
If You want me to

CHORUS:
Now I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my own
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to

Chicago! The really windy city!

It is great visting my friend Becky! But my allergies are insane! The WIND out here is CRAZY! Chicago is kinda hot, no it is HOT but it has great history and beautiful buildings. The shopping out here is insane.

Tonight we are going out! Dinner and somehtin somethin. Hopefully I won't sneeze my night away. Hmmm...

Well tomorrow is another day, another allergy attack!

Ahhh! Bye Bye NYC! See ya soon! Maybe!

I leave today! Happy? Yes! Sad? Yes! The Lord will lead me. Where/when ever I land it will be amazing because I trust! How exciting is that!?! Plus I thank Him for giving the opportunity to grow and learn through experiences that were through Him here.

Now he has to lead me to get in th shower, cause I am running late! Dang computers! I love them! :)

What does a soul weight?

Just and interesting thing to read or look up.

Many people like to believe in the idea of a soul, and we often look to the empirical world to bolster our religious or spiritual beliefs, searching for corroborating physical evidence. Just such scientific proof seemed to come in 1907,when a Massachusetts doctor named Duncan MacDougall devised experiments that he expected would actually measure the soul. Using six terminally ill patients on a specially-constructed scale bed, he measured their weight before, during, and after death. His results were mixed, but he concluded that there was indeed a very slight loss of weight, 21 grams on average.

This caused quite a stir at the time, and seemed to be proof of the human soul. Closer examination of MacDougall's methods, however, revealed profound flaws.

MacDougall used a very small sample size (only four of the original six bodies) and his results were inconsistent. Furthermore, the precise moment of death is not always clear even today, and in 1907 medical measurement methods were even cruder. The weight of the soul turned out to be simply the result of sloppy science, but many still believe it a century later.

http://www.livescience.com/mysteries/061211_soul_weigh.html

Grrrr......s!

(Big Sigh!)

3 more days... :(

Thoughts...random...

Blah, blah, blah, blah…is any of this really important?
Women over analyze everything. Why? Lol! Stop the voices in our heads!
Using vegetables to insult: Pickle me you cumquat! Ouch!
Allergies are nasty.
My heart is shattered beyond healing because I can’t stop time.
My favorite, is when the moon shines off of bodies of water with sparkling reflections.
I love a great challenge.
My internship is over.
Nothing is ever terrible. Those situations make you stronger.
I love to take deep breathes and feel the moment.
To be genuine…
I survived the past 3 months.
Is it meant for me? Only that person knows.
There is a 24 Apple store in NYC, amazing!
In a month, I don’t know where I will be.
In a week I will be in Chicago.
In a day I will be hanging out with my Mom!
In a hour I will be in bed.
In a minute I will be posting this.

Redneck Family!

Last night I took the 9pm train into Fairfield, CT, to go visit my Aunts and friends. My Aunt picked me up from the train station at about 10:40ish and we went back to her house were she was just rapping up a 50 + person party for Memorial Day. Yikes 50 + people, that is a lot!

Anyways, I got settled and my Aunt Cathy, excitedly calls me into the garage and says, “Look, look, look at our new cooler!”

Ummm…I didn’t see a cooler, but I did see her old washing machine full of ice with wine, soda and water sitting in it. Lol! How original and redneck is that! Or I should say ghetto fabulous! I of course I rolled my eyes and laughed at my Crazy Aunts.

Today/the next morning…was laid back. Got up made some Bisquick pancakes (there is no other pancake mix I love more than Bisquick, I can tell too!) and bacon for the fam, got some sun, went to the mall, tried on some shoes, ate some stuff and took a train ride back to the city. Ya know, just stuff. I think, right now I am going to go work out and pack some more things then go to bed and start another day. :)

God has always got my back!

So in NY...Guy likes girl, girl likes guy but something doesn't fit. Say What?

In no particular order:

I want to be able to spend eternity with my significant other.
I want understanding.
I want respect.
I want to be able to spend 22 hours with a person and crave to spend another 22 hours with them. Of coarse after our 2 hour break. ;)
I want to be able to look in there eyes and know what they are thinking.
I want a feeling of true security and comfort.
I want laughter and silliness when needed.
I want faith in each other.
I want trinity, cause with relationships you need a 3rd presence to tell you are being stupid.
I want counseling, marriage conferences, growth.
I want to be held with the satisfaction of knowing this guy won't leave me because it isn't in his character.
I want him to teach me things like new funny faces or how to Photoshop an eyeball on my forehead using a new tool. (I will probably already know how to do it but it would be fun to let him try!)
I want to grow in everyway everyday.
I want encouragement.
I want to have my life, I want him to have his life and I want to have our lives.
I want to have someone to come home to, to make dinner for, but that doesn't mean they are off the hook making dinner for me some nights.
I want that extra level headed religious judgment in my life.
I want guidance.
I want someone to challenge me and I always what to have someone to challenge to have more confidence.
I want submission on both ends.
I want unconditional love.
I want to have lazy days, where we can just hang out.
I want to take trips and explore with them.
I want to take trips away from them, so I will miss them even more than I do when we aren't in the same room.
I want understanding about waiting for many things til there is a Godly commitment on my finger.
I want to never raise my voice at him and vise versa.

I want many more things than just is what is on this list.
Is it too demanding? No!

For once in a long time I am allowing myself to spur out and meet new men, open my heart a little to what could happen. I ended up going out with this amazing guy who I have never seen lose his temper. That is what attracted me to him in the first place. I really do not date much because my way of thinking is not like many. I do not kiss on the first date! Complicated! You get my drift and you can figure out how the rest goes.

Date/hanging out time, okay, so flesh let's see what this is all about? Only God knows. Since I have been in NY I am more aware of worldly things and people. I don’t know everything but I am willing to learn.

This guy and I are attracted to each other, you can see it, we hang out, I like his personality, he is a gentleman, he gets my sarcasm and splits it right back out at me. But, why doesn’t it work? Well hanging out with him for long periods of time necessarily wasn’t that great. He is not a Christian so we don't have the same values. One way I can explain it was, it didn’t feel right and it wasn’t what I wanted for the rest of my life. The Lord led me to this to situation, not to put myself in other situations that weren’t right but to show me a fork in the road I need to make a decision on. And I love and adore Him for that. He is my protector and I always have Him in my mind and heart telling me, “Cassie! NO!" I chose God's path on this one.

We are all human and we are all going to make mistakes, but luckily I have learned from many mistakes. Plus, I have had some great examples in my life on how a Godly relationship should be and this situation wasn’t one.

There is much more to the story than I am telling, but it would take forever to explain it in writing. To sum it all up, he falls short of what I know God wants for me. In fact that comforts my heart to wait for the right one. When women say they are lonely, they just want someone to be there...they are lacking the Lord and faith, your first true love. The feeling I get is that, I am a strong, single 25 year old female who could live without ever getting married. Why, because I trust God to lead my life in everyway. Ever since I have let go and let God, life has been full of gift boxes I get to open everyday that fill any and all fleshy voids.

So, when thinking about this new guy in my life? I am fighting the flesh for friend status.

Ufffta! Fridays are suppose to be easy days!

We were let off of work early today. I quite didn't know what to do with myself.

Well...Tiffa met me at my apartment and we ate some cheese and crackers, went to the store bought hair die to color her hair and got ready for the night.

We went out and saw a friend of a friend’s band. It was great! Tasting New York is great! Lately, I have had a bug in me to get up and go out to have fun enjoying others company. When I first got to NY I was very unsure of many things. I didn’t really want to go out. But, then I felt more empowered and confident. NY has made me a smarter, confident, think on your toes, witty individual in the sense of going out, consuming responsibility and how people should be treated in every situation. Basically not letting the flesh overtake!

One thing that I smile about is concerning cravings of the flesh. Before, many people would ask me to go get a drink with them. I would say, "Sure, I will go sip a coke." It was hard for me to explain why I wouldn't drink alcohol until, I describe it like this.

I will only drink if I am craving the taste. In all of the times I have consumed alcohol and gotten to the point of no return, I was depressed in some way. Why, drinking to forget? What does it solve? Nothing. There were so many time I wanted to drink just to be oblivious to the world and suppress emotions for the time being. Most times, when you drink out of frustration if becomes habit, it makes things worse, it feeds the depression. Just like anxiety medicine I use to take. Sure you would have an attack, you would take a pill, and then the pill would work instantly, calm you down and then work its way through your system and the next time you have an attack the only thing you know how to do is take a pill. The most beneficial part for me was to suffer, not take the pill and understand where exactly my triggers were coming from and why this was happening. This was not an easy task. I rearrange my sleeping, eating and social habits. Same with alcohol. How am I going to deal with life when I surrender to a substance with suppressing emotions?

With that said, I know now when I am craving the taste vs. craving suppression. It is a beautiful thing to pray and figure out where you limits are.

So...back to the night. It was great. The Lord has blessed me in so many ways. He is showing me likes, dislikes and reveals more to me each day about how people should be treated. I pray it never end, my thirst for life and knowledge.

Fleet Week! :)

The Brazilian says...

Go home and cook!

This one made me think...

The source of evil is not God's power but mankinds freedom.

The Case for Faith by Lee Strobel.

Day by Day...

Aeschylus wrote: 'Day by day, hour by hour/ Pain drips upon the heart/ As, against our will, and even in our own despite/ Comes Wisdom from the awful grace of God.'

16 hours!

So yesterday I had a 16 hour day. The day before that was long too. How many hours? I really do not have the mental capacity to think back that far. Today, 8am to 11pm, that is 15 hours? Gosh! At this point I think I am too tired to go to bed. That is kind of awkward. I even left before others did. As I was leaving, I wanted to stay longer and work more! Ummm...earth to Cassie, NO! I think that was my smarter side yelling at me.

I thunked a little today. :)

As I was getting ready this morning, I noticed the cuts on my hands from work were healing. As I observed what was healed and what wasn’t, I thought to myself, isn’t it interesting over time my cuts healed with out me knowing it and so did many things that I have had to deal with pertaining to my life in the past 6 months.

I am reading, The Case For Faith by Lee Strobel. I read a quote:

Either God wants to abolish evil, and cannot; or he can, but does not want to; or he cannot and does not want to. If he wants to, but cannot, he is impotent. If he can, and does not want to, he is wicked. But, if God both can and wants to abolish evil, then how comes evil in the world?
Epicurus, philosopher

This quote really struck my attention. As I am sitting on the subway waiting to get to my stop to go to work, my mind started to race faster and jump to many different issues. I thought back to earlier this morning when I was observing my hands. I thought of how fortunate I was to know Christ before I knew real suffering. In the book there is a part where a woman lost her mother when she was really young. She thought God was punishing her for some reason. Just think, at a young age, it is hard to understand a loving and merciful God because a tragedy like that happens.

To not know true evilness in this world before one knows Christ saves us from the irrational mind that over thinks everything and cannot except a merciful God to allow evil.

I am so blessed to understand, at an earily age, surrender, letting go and to trust in Him.

Many situations are like cuts. Some are more willing to heal faster or heal at all, with or with out a scars. Some cuts, you do not realize the initial pain when you get cut because it is so mild. Then you see it and all of the sudden it hurts!

A physical scar will be in existence til the day you die. Don’t let our flesh reflect our walk on this earth. Let your over analytical spiritual scars heal. If not, then the spirit become like flesh.

When People talk to themselves in NYC it is kind of interestingly funny!

Today...I am still alive. I think my job description is to make the impossible happen and be in 2 places at once. I think I have already mastered it.

God is a funny guy who is always there for me. As I suffer each day, He is there for me and I love it. Reminding me in every situation, which I am noting without Him. As my days get more stressful, I have more joy in my heart than ever and I become happier and nicer. What is that? Who does that? Well, I call it a blessing. To be able to handle the abuse I go through as an intern is a miracle.

So, my day was really interesting. I am reading a book about Christian’s vs Atheism. This is my subway book. Instead of staring at people I read. It works. In this book there are many things to think about and study. I can't wait to have more time to explore the debates between the two and have answers when I come in situation such as the book is describing.

Well, the shoot went well today, no one died or got physically hurt. On one shoot a guy almost cut his finger off with a bagel knife. I guess in a time like that I can handle some blood everywhere and direct him to the nearest hospital to get stitches.

Back to the shoot, Julian Schnabel and his family are very nice people. As I was in the elevator bringing the crew their lunch, Julian decided to hop in the elevator with me. Okay...I know who he is but...okay. So he slyly, looked in my bag of goodies and asked me what it was. Okay, you can clearly see they are sandwiches, but being curious he asked, “What is in the bag?” I said, "They are sandwiches for lunch." Julian, "They are for the crew?" I said, "Yes, but you are more that welcome to have a tuna or turkey sandwich." Now, this is after I ordered him lunch from Pastis, which is a pretty well known eatery that is very good. Julian said, "No." I knew he wanted a sandwich, so I asked him, "Would you like me to order you a tuna sandwich from Ready to Eat?" I don't know what it is with guys and tuna sandwiches but I haven't met one that does not like them. So Julian said with a smile on his face, "Yes!" Okay, then a tuna sandwich for the man it is. Huh. Nice guy.

Okay that was a story I felt I need to write about why? I don't know, it was kind of cool, in the elevator with an artistic mind, and all he wants is a tuna sandwich and I have the AMEX to get it for him! Yesssssssssss! Spending someone else money and not getting the bill is a dream come true.

So…I handled my day and digested it in the end. I am starting to get to be a tuff old bird. I have to be able to hold my own and think really quickly during time of crisis. Especially when the Fashion Director of L’uomo Vogue needs his double espresso and I am trying to coordinate hair and make up with the moho driver calling me and confirming. Ahhh….composure is beautiful thing. Only by the grace of God, I tell ya.

At the end of my day, I left the crew with their dinner and call times for tomorrow. I took the subway home, got off and a gentleman who was homeless asked me if I had any food for him, that he could eat for dinner? Well, I remembered I had a bag of chips and a smashed donut in my purse. I pulled them out and said here this is what I have. He looked at me and said, "I am diabetic I can't eat the donut but I will take the chips." Huh? I laughed and thought to myself, "I guess beggars can be choosers!" Lol! Awkward! 

I finally made it home, did my 30 min workout and now I am going to wash off the stench of the day and go to bed. I have another long 3 days waiting of me.

Yippy Skippy for Moods Swings!

Today I woke up refreshed. Probably because I tried this new bubble bath that has Echinacea, tea tree and ginseng in it, I must say WOW! Or, it was because I surrendered to God about many anxieties that I have about life right now. Plus, at 11:40pm eastern time a good friend called. I was delirious and have no clue what I said because I was sleeping and accidentally left my phone on, but it was good to here her voice.

So, my alarm went off at 5:30am. Yes, I set if for 5:30AM! I got up went to the gym and listened to the whole book of Colossians and parts of 1Timothy. A little or a lot of God in the morning never hurts anyone. When I was done with my workout I went up to the apartment and got ready for work. Oh, Boy! Work! This week is going to be insane, as I have mentioned earlier we have 4 shoots! Ahhhh...

On the brighter side my MOM is coming to visit me! I am so excited to hang out with her. She is my best friend! I am already planning what we are going to do in my head. I told her this morning, that when she comes, it will not be Weight Watcher friendly. Lol! We will do enough walking so I wouldn't worry about it too much. But YEAH MY MOM!!! Plus my Aunts will be chillin with us. Nice!

I can't wait to see her! I am so in love with her and I fall in love with her every single day. You could say she is my rock on earth, when I get discourage she always reminds me I need to pray and trust in God.

So...today...

parted my hair in a different direction today. I know this doesn't seem important, but! I think it is why; I got hit on by some guy, who never had a chance. And a guy charged me for a tall Starbucks ice tea lemonade when I really ordered a grande. He knew what he was doing; I blame it on the hair parting. Hahaha!!!

Well, today I tried my 5th church since I have been in NY. Pretty interesting. Not bad but, something is just not fitting or feeling right. I don't know if it is my mind set or what. In some ways I think why get too involved? Why should I get attached when I am just going to leave? Hmmm...yeah I don't know my time is not my own anymore.

Anyways, the church was good; I guess it fit a little. I think I will go back. The people were nice, the prayers were sweet and the message sunk in as it smacked me upside the head (that is always a good thing). Good stuff, good stuff.

The rest of the day I went shopping and found some nice things. Then I went home watched movies and talked to some friends and family on the phone.

It was a nice day.