Figuring out what I want.

Today I woke up at Tiff’s apartment and took a new way to work. I wasn’t feeling like I wanted to work today but as a responsible adult I went.

I arrived at work and grab a cup of coffee and headed up to my desk. Most of everyone that works at the studio is in Africa so it is pretty quiet. I started my duties for the day and all of the sudden my nice quiet day went away.  A person decided to loose their Passport in Africa! Ahhhhh!!! To try to get something done with passports on Friday after 1pm, good luck!

Luckily, after an hour ordeal they found the passport at the border in Swaziland. After all this excitement and rushing around calling people, I was over my day but I had to continue to work and research for our next shoots.

At lunch, Rhoda and I decided since it was Calla’s last day, another intern, we were going to get a little snack and have a party. Rhoda picked the menu of cheese and crackers, fruit and champagne. The party was to commence on the roof at 4:30pm.

4:30pm cam around and almost everyone in the office went on to the roof to partake in a little party time. Woo Whooo! .During this time I had my first drink of alcohol in a very long time. A little champagne to toast, it tasted kind of weird so, I think I will stick to my Coke’s when I go out with friends. Anyways that is a totally different story…



The night went on and I ended up staying until 9:30pm. At that point I decided I had had enough of whatever I was doing there. As I was walking to the subway to get home, I started thinking about why I didn’t have that much fun? I was in NYC at a party on the roof of Mark Seliger’s apartment, with people who are very influential to the business I went to school for. What is my problem? Why am I not connecting? I always love to hangout and talk to people. Wait…what? I chuckled to myself, and said, “Nothing is wrong.”

I am in a position right now where I am working with some of the best. The work Mark and his team produces is amazing! I always thought that is were I wanted to end up in my career choices. Not saying it isn’t where I am going to end up, but I pray God has more in my life for me that just having a party and working all the time. I want to live and make differences in people’s lives.

I finally realized, I don’t necessarily want to be in pre-production or at any fast paced job where you work for 3 weeks without a day off. I have already proved to myself, I can handle the work and maybe under other circumstances it would be totally different but this place isn’t for me. I really love Photoshop and Digital Imagery. I am also thinking along the lines of teaching and seminars. Who would of thought? I love production and post productions and most importantly working towards goals that are positive and not just another layout in a magazine to get a paycheck.

One thing I love and should appreciate more is God! He is so amazing and reveals things to you at the right time. I grew up in Vegas had that life (big city). Moved to Ventura/Santa Barbara/Carpenteria, went to school, church and worked there (grew in everyway possible). Moved to LA for 2 months (challenging). Then move to NYC currently still here. I have lived in many places and each has shown me strength and weakness.

Summing up my thought, I am trying to figure out how I can word this…What I thought I wanted isn’t anything I wanted but I didn’t think I wanted it now just back then? The right wording is in my head but it is just not coming out. Grrrr…

So, as I was walking and thinking about my night, my big revelation was, you can have everything you want materials, status, est., but if you don’t have fellowship through God, it really doesn’t mean that much. I was missing the people who make me the person I am.