A wise woman said, "You need to write your blog for you."

Over analyzing things in my head is one of my most difficult projects I have to overcome. Lately, I have been extremely talented on just letting situations roll off my shoulders but satin is trying to beat me with the sick of anxiety, frustration, distrust and much much more.

I am leaving after this session at Brooks, to fulfill plans that God has for my life. One of the coolest parts of this is God spoke to me through scripture. I went to LA for a day to visit John Russo's studio, this is where I will be interning. After the shoots, on my way home, I was having thoughts (over-analyzing) if this was right for me? My heart was praying so hard for an answer of some sort because I want what God wants for my life. I won't move without his say so.

That night once I got home, I finished up some homework and went to bed. Right before I went to bed I did my Bible study for the day. God took me to Numbers 13 and 14. As I meditated on these chapters I ended up falling asleep, I was so tired from my long day. The next morning I woke up thinking about what I had read. The chapters were still fresh in my mind.

It was amazing to hear the voice of God speak to me through his Word. Especially, when these events happened a long long time ago. Here is how the thought process went:

BIBLE: Moses sent men to go explore Canaan.
ME: Cassie is sent to explore John Russo's studios.

BIBLE: They gave Moses this account: "We went into the land to which you sent us, and it does flow with milk and honey!
ME: The opportunities I would have at this internship would be amazing!

BIBLE: But the men who had gone up with him said, "We can't attack those people; they are stronger than we are."
ME: I don't fit in with these people. There is more sin around me than I normally subject myself to. It is very different. Is this of God? (Don't question the Man!)

BIBLE: That night all the people of the community raised their voices and wept aloud. All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, "If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this desert! Why is the LORD bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword?
ME: Why am I leaving a place where I am comfortable and where I grew most as a Christian? I am in my little bubble of reality. If I leave I will be subjected to more sinful endeavors, than I am in VC, Carp and SB.

BIBLE: And they said to each other, "We should choose a leader and go back to Egypt."
ME: Follow the anxious flesh.

BIBLE: Then Moses and Aaron fell facedown in front of the whole Israelite assembly gathered there. Joshua son of Nun and Caleb son of Jephunneh, who were among those who had explored the land, tore their clothes and said to the entire Israelite assembly, "The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good. If the LORD is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us. Only do not rebel against the LORD. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will swallow them up. Their protection is gone, but the LORD is with us. Do not be afraid of them."
ME: Yessssssssssssss!!! God is AMAZING!!! I got goose bumps!

This happening showed me that I need to have more faith in faith and you can learn from suffering.

The other things in my life feel like they are on a roller coaster ride that isn't going to end for a while, and has so many surprising climbs and falls. It is hard to find myself not having something to do everyday single day.
Sunday - kids craft at church, church service and then work til 12am
Monday - I catching up on all my school work
Tuesday - morning prayer, classes all day then Home group
Wednesday - with I don't know what I do in the mornings...huh? Later prayer for the youth and then off my wonderful Women's Bible study
Thursday - class again :(
Friday - I keep myself busy with running around
Saturday - kids xmas play and work until 12am.
This isn't even half of what I pack my days with! Commuting, family, friends, networking, L.A. internship, N.Y. internships, a big one is laundry, I am never home to do it...You could say I am extremely tired. Cause I AM!!!


Besides my busy schedule putting a strain on my physical health, emotionally people and situations are draining me. I love to show up everywhere with a smile on my face and a great attitude. But...yeah... The past week has been..., what am I saying? The past year, pretty much since August 2005 I have grown. I have loved and still love. I lost with no intention of ever finding it again. Treating people how you want to be treated is very important to me. Say what you mean and mean what you say, that is a big one! But always be careful of what you say. Don't say something just for yourself; take the other persons feelings into account. I am beating around the bush, with something that is on my mind. I had something happen today that made me...yeah I'm just not going to go there...maybe down the road when things get better/different I will right about it. I can't put my emotions into words right now.

My intention is never to hurt anyone.