Dream to be commited

Last night I had dream. It was one of those dreams where you yourself are in it, and you do things you just don’t understand. Kind of sounds like real life a little. My dreams base line consisted of me already being married to some older powerful guy whom had money and I didn’t love. Hmmm… I didn’t care for him like a wife should care for a husband. Now, the tragic part was I was in love with someone else that loved me too but never told me. Isn’t that just a tragic romance novel gone badly? My life in my dream felt like I was fighting something all the time. To be in a place where you don’t want to be is awful and for some reason I was leaving with my husband for 3 years and may never return. There were people all around me who were recognizable in my dream. People who were suppose to love and support me, help me see the bigger picture, talk to me and have fellowship with me. But I felt all alone and disserted. (Boo that!) There was a lot of running around and moving things in my dream. If anyone really knows me well, I get a little anxious moving and not having my things surrounding me and not knowing where I am going to be.

By the end of my dream I was leaving to go far, far away. The thing that shocked me the most was my thoughts. I thought I could go to the man whom was in love with me and I with him and have one great last night. Say What!?! Again we have ourselves a nice cheesy romance novel in the making. At this point I was in the state of waking up and still sleeping. In my mind I was remembering, justifying what I was about to do and that was to commit adultery. Say what-what!?1! (Commit; remember that word) In my head I wanted more than anything to be committed to that other person which was not my husband. But why wasn’t I? I don’t remember getting married and saying, “I do.” That is probably a whole other dream I don’t want to have.

The thoughts that were going through my head were outrageous! Just one night, one last night of happiness to get me through life, I could repent and be forgiven (isn’t that just the sinners heart). Now, I start thinking about the other party involved. But wait would this other man want to do this with me? No. How selfish am I being? Then my thoughts went to, if I could I would love to sit with him, talk and be in his presence that would fill me with joy for a while. But that is even bad bad bad!

Finally I was awake and disturbed. I started to pray.
Each morning I will look to You in heaven and lay my requests before You… Psalm 5:3.

I contemplated on my dream and thought, what the heck did I eat before I went to bed? What scares me the most is I could see how everything in my dream worked or lined up in my life.

Last night I went to Trinity Baptist Church in New York. This was the 2nd time I attend this church. The message last night was building a life of commitment. Thinking about the events in my dream made me realize it wasn’t just a scary dream of me being married to someone I didn’t love. It was a dream about me not being committed to God.

My rich and powerful husband was my life. God gave it to me, but I wasn’t happy at that moment because I couldn’t have what wasn’t mine. When we suffer we learn so much. I was suffering in a life I didn’t want but maybe God wanted it for me. Since I wasn’t committed to my so-called husband, marriage a gift from God, I was about to sin and make matters worse by not listening.

Right now I am in a situation where I am 3000 miles away from friends, family and my things. I don’t ever have to go back. 3 or 5 years ago, this is what I would want, a career in a big city with nice things and great parties to go to, working all the time and so on and so on.

I need to finish...More to come...