Vegas Strip...

I went out last night in Vegas, not like one would think. I am pretty sure my going out in Vegas days are over or are they?

My good friend B and I went to meet some other friends at a movie theater on the strip. It has been FOREVER since I have been down there, so it was interesting, in a flashback sort of way. I was noticing life and how people dressed and acted, what they drank and how it smelled, thinking and seeing Las Vegas Blvd in a whole new perspective. The strip is infested with a bunch of sinful behaviors, why am I or was I so attracted to it?

I try to be normal but growing up in Vegas, you aren't that normal. You have/had opportunities, experiences that many couldn't have, in my mind anyways. Being on my old stomping grounds, I realized I am a totally different person than I was. Noticing how much I have calmed down made me frustrated? I had fun when I lived in Vegas and I am having fun again in Vegas! But, I have just as much fun or more going to church in Carpenteria, going to service and helping out with the children's ministry. This idea could be strange to many but...it definitely was not strange to me. I can't lead a life as Nevada Cassie and Cali Cassie or can I? Can I trust myself enough to live in both places with out faltering? Yes, now I can.

Living and choosing where to live is intense. All I want to do is go back to California, find a job, start a life and yeah. But maybe that isn't what the Lord wants. There is life going on everyday, in Vegas, NY, Chicago, Seattle, Lake Tahoe, LA, SB, VC and Carpenteria. I have been apart of many lives and they are going on without me!

Today, I woke up and thought, I am suppose to be in Cali at this moment, but I am not. I was planning on driving back to VC today, but some circumstance with money came up, jobs, and since I am paying for a trip to Israel and not living off the money, life needs to be flexible.

My question to God is, am I suppose to stay in Vegas or leave and how long? Right now that question is so difficult. I am trying to leave but something is telling me to stay. How long? Maybe 2 days to 4 weeks. :? I don't know. I have so much family and friends here that I have known so long, I love it. But when I go back to Cali, I am closer to the Lord, most likely cause that is where I found Him and the love(s) of my life is/are there. Searching for today is never a great option, searching for tomorrow is and I want forever with my Lord and Savior. I have faith He will guide me where I need to be.

But, I am thinking Thursday, will be the day I am allowed to leave Vegas, maybe. :)